Questions and Answers
by WolfButler
Summary: Questions put to a few Artemis Fowl characters and - obviously otherwise there would be no point in this - their answers : Progress Status rated on whether anyone asks me for more! Finally updated and upped to a K plus because of mild bad language.
1. Chapter 1

_**Questions and Answers **_

_**Just to clarify in case it is not obviously obvious:- **_

_**I DO NOT OWN ANY ARTEMIS FOWL CHARACTERS IN THIS FANFIC!! OR ACTUALLY ANY AT ALL!! **_

_**(unless I made extras up)**_

_**(which does not really apply to this FanFic)**_

_**(so you can ignore that last bit)**_

_**(except the bit about me not owning any of Eoin Colfer's people OK?)**_

_**(sorry about that **__****__**)**_

_**OK on with the Questions. By the way, Questioner speaking is in "this sort of writing" and all the answers have the answerer's name in front. **__****_

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-_**What was/is your worst subject at school?**_

_Artemis:- I don't have a least favourite subject. I enjoy the subjects that I can embarrass my tutors with my superior knowledge. Therefore quite obviously this applies to all subjects._

**Butler:- Etiquette lessons at Madame Ko's Academy. Definitely. We had to walk around with books on our heads, rulers down our backs and whenever we walked passed an instructor we had to bow and say "Good day, Sir/ Madame" without dropping our books. Then we had to drink from ridiculously small teacups with our little fingers "pointing to the sky" (or rather the chandelier in the posh dinner hall we had to practise in.).**

Foaly:- I didn't like art after I was told that I couldn't draw.

_Holly:- I didn't really enjoy Scientific Studies. Perhaps that's because I always ended up paired with an imbecile and had to do all the work. And also, how interesting is it to look at a piece of rock trying to guess how old it was? Not very!! (Foaly of course would disagree with me entirely over this point.)._

**Juliet:- Etiquette lessons at Madame Ko's. I HATED THEM!! I always dropped the stupid book and got told off for slouching my back or something. But hey!! I only broke three teacups!! All of my brothers broke at least six!!**

Mulch:- Sports was very annoyingly exhausting and painful so I used to sneak off to the kitchens when the coach wasn't looking.

_**Your favourite one?**_

_Artemis:- I think I have already answered this question in the previous one. All subjects appeal to me if I am superior in my knowledge of them, alias, all subjects. _

**Butler:- I must admit I did enjoy blowing things up. Obviously I have matured since my academy days. Slightly. **

Foaly:- Science of course!! I was the best in my class, and the year and even the whole school. Well there's no point being modest about it, I'm only telling the truth!!

_Holly:- Virtual History because it felt really real with those virtual Helmet thingies on._

**Juliet:- I really liked exploding targets but I was top in my class at martial arts. This may have something to do with my brothers teaching me almost every move there is before I even started the Academy.**

Mulch:- Cookery. I know it sounds odd but actually it was fun. Even if nine times out of ten the ingredients mysteriously disappeared before anything was made out of them.

_**What is your most embarrassing moment?**_

_Artemis:- I have previously mentioned a particularly embarrassing mathematics test result in a previous interview. I do not wish to repeat myself._

**Butler:- Believe it or not I do have several. One particularly annoying memory is of doing chin-ups in a competition at the academy and me being in the lead until the bar came off the door frame and me landing on my backside...**

Foaly:- I once lost a Science prize in a magazine. Please do not ask me any more details.

_Holly:- Oh not this question again!! I think I have answered this question before. __**Oh come on!!**____OK. The only thing I am going to say is that it has something to do with a swear toad and my backside._

**Juliet:- Oh please don't ask me this!! OK. If I must!! I once tripped over a guy rope holding up the bathroom tent and brought it crashing to the floor. Very embarrassing considering who was in there at the time...**

Mulch:- I've already answered this in another interview. If you don't remember then perhaps me telling you that it involves setting off a motion sensor with my erm... talents will remind you.

_**How do you wind down after a long day?**_

_Artemis:- Meditating allows me to relax if I am feeling tense for some reason._

**Butler:- I don't.**_**Oh come on!! **_**OK. Quite literally my day never ends. I need to be ready for action 24hrs a day. I find that sleeping is a good way to relax.**

Foaly:- I like to watch my own and other people's science lectures. It reminds me how good I am so I can relax without worrying someone will beat me at inventing or Science.

_Holly:- At the moment there are a few new female recruits so I like talking to them about my day. I like playing crunch ball to burn off some extra energy but reading is a good way to wind down before bed._

**Juliet:- Watch TV. Especially Wrestling.**

Mulch:- A nice jug of warm beetle juice always sends me off to sleep at the end of a hard day's erm... after a hard day.

_**Were you in any school teams?**_

_Artemis:- I am in the schools chess club after my parents began to question me about my social development. However I find that unless I am the leader in a team, teamwork is not for me. I work better on my own, which is why I chose chess over a team activity such as sport. Besides, with Butler around, physical exercise on my own part is rather unnecessary do you not think?_

**Butler:- Yes, we had sports teams in the academy and had competitions against other academies. I was the goalkeeper in football, **_**(if you are American then I should point out here that this football means soccer just in case anyone gets confused)**_** tight head prop in rugby and I also did some running, boxing, wrestling etc. The Competitive Team Assault Courses (the dreaded CTACS **_**(that's pronounced SEE- TACKS) **_**as some people called them) were my favourites though. Everyone else seemed to hate them but I thought they were good fun. Our team never lost in an inter-academy CTAC race and our academy won the Cup every year I was there. **

Foaly:- I was leader of the Science Team. Oh and might I mention that because of this we never lost a competition.

_Holly:- Yes, I was the only girl in the crunch ball team at school, a title that I am very proud of!!_

**Juliet:- Well I was in a lot of academy sports teams. I particularly liked the wrestling which might be why I am so interested in it now!! Please may I add here that I beat my big brother's winning record in wrestling. Not to rub it in or anything but NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH... **_**(erm... how do you spell blowing a raspberry?)**_

Mulch:- I was in the speed digging team for a while but it was too tiring and there was nothing in it for me so I didn't really see the point of it.

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_**Well? And if anyone has anymore Questions I could ask the guys then please tell me. I'd gladly try to get them to answer them for you**__****_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank-you very much to Holly Marie Fowl for the review, Sheva Das for the review and promise of ideas but particularly thanks to Gold is power and Liris for the new questions. Everyone else? Review and I will mention you!!**_

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_**What was your first word?**_

_Artemis:- I can not be entirely certain as even a brain as great as my own cannot remember that far back. My parents tell me my first word was "Aurum". Butler however disagrees privately. He believes it was the abbreviation "Prof" for Professor after a particular toy I owned. I will let you decide who you think is closest to me and more likely to have heard my first attempt at speech._

**Butler:- First word? Hmm... I think my parents told me it was "Blue". Probably because we had a dog called Blue whilst I was growing up, rather than because of my Dad's diamond tattoo he was always showing us and telling us we would have one when we grew up.**

Foaly:- I do believe it was "hat". I have had life long affinity with tinfoil hats. Don't laugh. I know it should have been something like "molecular structure" but they were my second and third ones!! (Probably...)

_Holly:- Ha ha!! Easy!! My dad was doing an incredibly important speech on the evolution of the LEP and how he was going to change the sexism the people in charge had encouraged by not allowing female recon officers into the force. Anyway he was saying "... the view on female officers is simply unacceptable" but when he got to "simply" I shouted out from my mum's knee on the front row "PANTS!!" really loudly!! Anyway, everyone laughed and actually started listening to what Dad was saying instead of just smiling and nodding politely. Maybe that's why I got onto the force.(Because everyone started listening, not because I shouted pants!!)_

**Juliet:- Hmm... tricky. No wait a sec!! I wish it had been the name of a wrestler but I think it was the name of a Teletubby . "La La" I think. Artemis would tell me that it isn't a real word but oh well, it's a name and they count in Scrabble. Don't they? Maybe not. Ha ha, I think I won at Scrabble the other day with a word you're not allowed...**

Mulch:- I was going to say it was probably D'A... an expletive. But more likely it was "Mud" or something else dwarf related.

_**What was your first injury?**_

_Artemis:- I don't often get injured thanks to Butler but I can remember vaguely one incident. I was shutting down my laptop and closed the lid on my fingertips. It was actually quite painful, for those of you who are sceptical, please, be my guest and try it for yourself._

**Butler:- Now that is a difficult question. I have more scar tissue than unblemished skin that's for sure!! I must have needed over a hundred stitches during my childhood and I certainly managed to bruise, cut and break nearly every part of my body. I also got myself bitten in various places and hit by a campervan going at twenty-five mph. (It was a non-poisonous snake, a pig and a hamster that bit me, not the campervan, just to avoid confusion). But sorry, no, I don't think I can remember my first injury.**

Foaly:- I was running to the front of a crowd to see the latest advancement in wing design. I tripped on a stone, grazed my knees and chipped a hoof... and everyone laughed at me. I don't know which hurt more, my knees or my feelings...sniff...

_Holly:- I do remember my Mum healing a graze on my elbow and telling me not to cry. I told her I wasn't crying and tried to heal it myself._

**Juliet:- It might not have been my first injury, but I have a memory of my Mum going mad at my brothers and hitting them all with a broom because I had been bounced off a trampoline into a hedge and ended up with a lump the size of a egg on my head and concussion. Happy days!!**

Mulch:- I swallowed a diamond once when I was a beginner digger. My Gran had to try the Heimlich Manoeuvre then squeeze one of my toes. The same thing happened in the pipe into Koboi Labs. Except dear little Arty had to do the squeezing ha ha ha...

_**Did you have a favourite toy as a child?**_

_Artemis:- Yes, the toy professor I mentioned before. I was rather attached to it as a young toddler. Of course, it was just a phase that every child has. Part of the development you understand._

**Butler:- I had a toy animal called Duffer as a kid. No one actually knows what it is. It's some sort of was fluffy going bald creature with four legs and a tail. My Mum still has all of our old toys. I hope.**

Foaly:- Ah. My very first atom converter. I carried that around for years...

_Holly:- I carried around and still do carry around my Grandfather's Recon Acorns. As for toys, I liked toy shuttles the best. Although I don't think I particularly had a favourite. _

**Juliet:- Oh yes!! I remember!! Awww!! I had a sort of blanket with a teddies head at one corner. I called it my Snooky. Aww... I hope Mum still has my Snooky. I think she does have. Mum's are like that aren't they!! **

Mulch:- I had a pet rock called Elvis. My Mum kept him... it... after I left home. Of course I didn't need it once I was out of nappies. Well, maybe a bit longer than that but...

_**Were you a cryer as a toddler?**_

_Artemis:- No. Crying is a waste of time and effort, a fact which I personally learned very early on. So the answer to your question is no. I was not a... ahem... "cryer" as you so inarticulately put it._

**Butler:- Oh come on!! Damn. Now I sound like my sister. But honestly. You've asked me some stupid questions but seriously? OK. I'll answer you simply: Butler's don't cry. Well not often, or particularly ever.**

Foaly:- Ahem... not a "cryer" exactly. However my emotional side did take a while to catch up with my intelligence. It's an occupational hazard when you are a genius. I'm betting Artemis had the same problem, even if he won't admit it.

_Holly:- I don't like to think I was. I suppose like any little girl I could turn the tears on but I didn't like doing it often. See the question about injuries._

**Juliet:- No. If I ever cried my family was, and still are, always there to make me smile again, or burst out into hysterical laughter actually!! One time I started crying because someone broke my toy car. I remember Butler swinging me round his head and me kicking my legs and smashing a window... whoops.**

Mulch:- Everyone cries when there a little kid, don't they? Well, I used to cry to get out of something. Usually because something had gone missing. How dare they assume it was me? Well, no one can blame a sweet little crying kid can they? Well, actually, sometimes they still did.

_**Who was/is your hero?**_

_Artemis:- I don't look up to many people although as I have said before I do think that Einstein and Archimedes were admirable scientists as their theories were usually correct._

**Butler:- You are now expecting me to say someone who is supposedly "tough" but most muscle men nowadays are just puffed up on steroids. Truthfully, I only look up to Madame Ko because she is the only one better than me at what I do best. Don't think I'm going mad, but I also think highly of my Mum for her cooking and my Dad for putting up with us when we were young and not giving up on us. I also look to Juliet whenever I'm fed up. She's always positive no matter what and I admire that. Don't tell her the last bit though, she think I'm going soft. I don't really have one hero though, just a few people I respect.**

Foaly:- I have no hero's as such. There is no one in history that is better than me at inventing. Competition spurs me on though. Although to be honest there is much of that since Opal has gone... well just _gone_ really.

_Holly:- It is probably too sad to say my Mum (although she is)or my Dad (even though he is too)or even Julius. The person who spurred me on to do what I do is probably actually Vinyaya. She forged the way for females in the LEP and encouraged me to become the first female Recon officer._

**Juliet:- I could name some female wrestlers for you but as a kid I always looked up to my brothers, being the youngest. I especially wanted to be like the Butler you guys know because he is the best even if he's not the oldest. Madame Ko certainly proves that girls can be just as good as boys but seriously, my hero is probably Dom because he never gives up and has way more perseverance than I ever will. But don't tell him, OK? He'll think I'm soft.**

Mulch:- Me? Have a hero? Not really. 'Cept I suppose some famous human burglars should get some credit doing what they did without any secret talents. But to be honest, no. Most of the Mud men's burglars were fairies. Some of them me...

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**Well? Sorry I was a while updating!! More ideas are very welcome :D**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thanks once again to Gold is power for the brill questions (I had fun asking the guys) and also ta very much 2 Liris for the equally brill Q's!! Thanks also to Persephone Spring for the pointing out of a few bloops!!It means you really read this stuff rather than just skim over it!! :D OK, on with the long awaited answers... well not too long awaited I hope but let's just get on with it!!**_

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_**What do you think you will be up to in a decades time?**_

_Artemis:- I envisage that I shall complete my education. Possibly get several degrees and then perhaps become an inventor or scientists. I hope to play upon my strengths, mainly my intelligence, and join Mister Zito in his effort to save the world by reducing pollution and the likes. Obviously I shall be implausibly more successful. I do strongly endeavour to still be in close contact with The People. Foaly's expertise could come in useful and of course where would we all be without our good friends Holly and Mulch._

**Butler:- Hopefully not dead. To be honest I've sort of given up on retiring because every time I try to, some sort of emergency-save-the-world-in-a-ridiculous-amount-of-time issue comes up so I suppose I'll still be here at Fowl Manor making sure the twins don't burn the place down and following Artemis on his business trips (he is bound to have even more of them once he's an adult). Hopefully legal ones, or at least more legal than illegal.**

Foaly:- A decade? Not that far away I suppose. I better still have my job here at Section 8!! In the long term, my plans for the future would involve settling down properly with Callabine and perhaps starting a family if she feels the same.

_Holly:-Hmm... ten years... I guess I'll still be doing the same old same old. Work, eat, sleep. I hope to still have all of the friends I have at the moment, even... perhaps especially, the mud friends I have._

**Juliet:- I'll be practically **_**old**_** then!! No offense to anyone over 30!! Well, OK, I might be a really famous wrestler by then!! Or I suppose I could be the twin's maid/bodyguard...**

Mulch:- Well now I'm going on the straight and narrow I won't be in some sort of jail. Ideally I shall be rich and famous. Or at the very least rich. I doubt that's going to happen though somehow.

_**What is your favourite/best childhood memory?**_

_Artemis:- Hmmm. A difficult question I must admit. I would have to go with a memory I have of receiving my first ever laptop at the age of three. It began my attraction with internet surfing, which indeed led to my interest in, and meeting with The People._

**Butler:- Ah. This one I have answered before. Teaching Juliet to do spinning kicks in her sandbox. But my second would probably be Madame Ko telling me I had passed my Blue Diamond Final Assessment although that was my 18****th**** birthday, so probably not classed as childhood anymore. **

Foaly:- My first day at school. Well actually my first Science lesson. I shamed the teacher with my extensive knowledge of the Earth's structure!!

_Holly:- My first visit to the surface for my first Ritual has got to be way up there with my best memories. My parents took me to Tara to get my acorn. The atmosphere was amazing, but there wasn't any acorns left so we found another more secret tree and I buried my first acorn in the middle of an Irish field. I will never forget the first time I felt those little blue sparks rushing up my arm._

**Juliet:- I always look back fondly at the days my brothers used to play with me and teach me martial arts, even though I must have been a right pain in the bum at times.**

Mulch:- I do have some good memories of being a kid. My favourite would be my first successful robbery. It's bad but hey, you asked for the truth.

_**Your worst (childhood memory)?**_

_Artemis:- Thinking I had lost my Father for good. That would be the worst I have ever felt in my life emotionally._

**Butler:- I hate reliving the time our dog, Blue, got hit by a car. I still blame myself even though he did survive, I left the gate open and he followed me down the street. Can we move on now please?**

Foaly:- As I mentioned in the most embarrassing moment question. I once ahem... came runner up in a science competition for a magazine. Can we skip to the next question now?

_Holly:- Oh no please. You'll start me off... OK. I'm ready. Deaths are my worst memories. That better be a good enough answer for you_

**Juliet:- Our dog got hit by a car and it was all my fault. I opened the gate and then left it open when I ran after Butler. He was going to get milk from the corner shop and I was following him to get sweets. Blue followed us across the road but stopped to sniff something. Butler says it was his fault but it was mine. Still, Blue survived.**

Mulch:- I hate the memory of my first conviction. Not the guilt, that's never been a problem really. More the fact that I felt invincible before that and then... well then Julius never really let me out of his sight... or his cell block!!

_**Your earliest? **_

_Artemis:- I do have a very old memory. Not too surprisingly it is of Butler rather than my parents. It is of him in the kitchen, I came up behind him and tug on his trousers. However I have no idea how or why this is significant or of my age. I suggest I must have been at least two years of age to be able to walk unaided._

**Butler:- I do remember building a snowman one winter outside a wooden hut in the mountains. We went dog-sledding and got snowed in for a few weeks. However it used to be a tradition in our family to stay the winter in our mountain home so I have no idea which year this particular memory is from.**

Foaly:- Scarily, it is of my Gran trying to teach me to line dance. I was very young and have never had much co-ordination. Needless to say, I fell over, a lot.

_Holly:- Hmm. Sitting on my Grandpa's knee and him showing me his First Golden Recon Acorns and telling me I would make a great Recon Officer if they allowed little girls on the force._

**Juliet:-Watching TV on the sofa and my brother coming in with a slice of toast and dropping it butter and jam side down on the carpet. Mum went mad because he was going to pick it up and eat it until the dog jumped up and nicked it out of his hand!!**

Mulch:- Erm... I remember digging out and spit lining my very first cave when I was hiding from my brother who was threatening to beat me up for erm..._ misplacing_ some of his stuff.

_**What do you think of the Fowls? All five of them.**_

_Artemis:- Obviously, my views are going to be slightly biased. My view on my parents is simple enough. I respect them entirely. My Mother? I feel more protective over, whilst my Father I am proud of his decision to "go legal", I respect more. My brothers? Well, it has been... interesting, to adapt to living with younger siblings after so long as an only child._

**Butler:- As the Fowl's bodyguard, my view is one of respect for the family. In my rare private moments I still respect Mr and Mrs Fowl, but perhaps more for their family spirit than as my superiors. The Twins? Well. The young masters can be quite a handful at times but they are quite amusing with their antics. I think they may grow up with Artemis's brains too. Talking of Artemis. I think of him much more as a friend than an employer now.**

Foaly:- Hmm. I only really know Artemis Junior personally. My opinion on him? I suppose I slightly respects him, after all he is the only one who understands me when I start "talking science" as Holly calls it.

_Holly:- I knew you were going to ask me about this!! The others? I don't really know them well enough. But Artemis? Well, I think he can be a bit of a twit with anything that doesn't involve quantum physics for all his brains he can be clumsy with emotions. He is however loyal to his friends, though perhaps this has rubbed off on him from Butler. Still, he is a lot more likable than he used to be. Can I leave it at that now please?_

**Juliet:- I used to think they were boring and stuffy. I sort of blamed for our Uncle's death to start with. Nowadays? The twins are a laugh, but hard work sometimes!! The older Fowls? Mr and Mrs Fowl are mostly just the people I work for. I do think they are loving parents though. Artemis? Well. He's a lot nicer than he used to be, that's for sure!!**

Mulch:- I've answered this one before. I think we could be great partners in crime... of course if me and Arty weren't going on the straight and narrow...

_**Who was your first crush?**_

_Artemis:- Do you delight in asking embarrassing probing questions on my personal life? If by "crush" you mean attraction towards another human, I would say my first "crush" would be Minerva, as she almost matches me in IQ. Obviously, these categories of emotions caused by hormones and are simply a distraction to be controlled._

**Butler:- As a bodyguard I do not allow myself to have many emotions. Although I suppose like any teenage boy I had a few crushes in my life before graduating. Not that I am going to go into details with you lot.**

Foaly:- Is it too sad to say Callabine? Well, there isn't many centaurs in Haven!!

_Holly:- I did have an embarrassing crush on the lead singer of the" X-max Elves" when I was a young elf. Please don't tell Mulch, he will never let it go... ever._

**Juliet:- The pizza boy. I spent a fortune on pizza's I hardly ever managed to finish just to see him turn up on his cool moped. Butler nearly killed me. Well... semi-murdered me anyway!!**

Mulch:- I have never really had many emotional ties. Except with gold and other treasure. Yes my only love is precious items I think.

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_**So there's another batch of answers for you. I will do more if you give me some questions!! :D**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Hellar there - here's a surprise for you, eh? Me back already? What is going on with the world? Well I was replying to reviews and decided I would spend a bit of time asking the guys your questions. Rather than doing assignments... ah well.**

**Easy code for you: Questions are in _BoldItalics_. Answers are as follows: A= Artemis, B= Butler, F= Foaly, H= Holly, J= Juliet, M= Mulch**

**Questions from:**

_**CherryBerryB**_

_**KKCopper**_

_**tech17**_

_**BookwormGirl16**_

**I realise this hasn't been updated in about 2 years ago so thanks to everyone who reviewed since then. ****Enjoy :)**

* * *

_**What was your first/favourite pet?**_

**A:** I have a fairly utilitarian view on animals. That is to say, in layman's terms, all animals have a purpose. My first pet was likely forced upon me by my mother. It was likely something small and furry that was then removed from the manor discreetly by The Major under instruction of my father. My favourite pet now? That would be Alphonso, my Irish Thoroughbred Gelding. He is excellently well behaved and allows me to convince my mother I am exercising whilst putting in minimum effort.

**B:** The family always had a dog whilst I was young. The first I remember was a Caucasian Shepherd named Blue. There were many more but he is the one that sticks most in my mind. I also once helped Juliet hide a hamster named 'Hercules' from my uncle. That was quite a feat considering his Houdini-like qualities and knack for hiding behind skirtingboards. The hamster, that is. Not my uncle.

**F:** I never really had a pet. I have allergies to some types of fur. Yes I know, laugh it up. A centaur with a fur allergy. But I did have a virtual pet. I suppose you mud-peeps would liken it to a Tamagotchi-thing. It lived for two whole years until the batteries ran out. I was devastated. Or at least until I created a new one...

**H:** I always wanted a pet but all I had when I was a kid was a sweartoad named D'Arvit. What? It was what he said!

**J:** Aww, it has to be Herky. He was a hamster. It's a long story, but I begged Dom for a pet for Christmas and he just got me one of those wind up hamsters that whizzed along tables and pretty well across polished wood floors, but it leaves scratches you have to hide under rugs... where was I? Oh yeah. So then I went and bought one from a pet shop. I hid it for, like, three days before he found on. Then he helped me keep Herc hidden from uncle. Then he escaped, then uncle laid mouse traps, then we found Herc, then he made us hoover every single hamster turd from the entire manor...

**M: **My favourite pet, other than my pet rock Elvis, has got to be Stevie the Stinkworm. I kept him in a box of mud under my bed for three months before the box disintegrated and he escaped through the floor. Sad times.

_**What kind of car/vehicle would you pick if you had the choice?**_

**A:** Choice? You say that as though there are vehicles I am incapable of obtaining. Regardless of that comment, if you are meaning for myself to drive, I would have to pick an aeroplane of sorts as I am not, as is well documented, proficient with controlling a land-based vehicle such as a car. I enjoy flying my family's Lear Jet. It's quick and easy to fly and gets me where I need to go. What else would one want from a vehicle?

**B:** Depends entirely on the situation. Of course, any vehicle needs to be robust - preferably bomb-proof, although most aren't. In terms of every day use, and perhaps you'd accuse me of sentimentality if you were stupid enough to, I'd choose my uncle's old Bentley. It's tough, reliable and never let us down before.

**F:** Erm... I don't travel much. I'd guess I'd have to say that my new favourite is the centaur version of what you muds call a Segway. Saves me a lot of time anyway, even if Callabine says it doesn't help my belly. I know she likes it really...

**H:** A shuttle. Any kind, any where. Most pilots reckon the newer the pod, the faster the ride, but I don't think you don't get the same buzz. Give me a slammer any day, I like to feel the controls working and do everything myself rather than the new automatic, voice-activating ones. Sorry Foaly and all that, but your new-fangled flyers just aren't the same.

**J:** Hmm. Well obviously I like stuff like cross-bikes and jets, but the best thing I have ever driven has got to be a tank in one of our lessons at Ko's. Seriously. It was awesome. If anyone ever gets the chance to drive one - do it. If I thought I could get away with driving one round Belfast... Well, traffic-jams would be a thing of the past! Tanks for the win!

**M:** I've driven/ridden/flown pretty much one of everything ever made, but when it comes to it, pump-power wins all. What? It's just like anyone _other_ than my fellow dwarves, saying walking is their favourite way to get around.  
**  
**_**Who was your first friend?**_

**A:** To answer this, would be to define the term 'friend', given to an associate closer than others, I determine you mean. Obviously, being as I was as a child, I did not have many 'friends'. You expect me to say Butler, of course and yes, you would probably be right. But, with regards to someone closer to my age, Juliet could be considered to be my first true friend. She was the one who taught me how to be childish, how to hide my misdemeanours from my parents... and her own relatives... and also how to perform a high-five. She is very much the elder sister I never had.

**B:** Splitting friends from colleagues is a difficult one. I don't like to give out the title of 'friend' to many, and never to anyone who I would not trust with my life. All of my friends would probably give their lives for me, as I would for them. But still. I couldn't decide who was my first. Probably the dog I mentioned earlier. I was always closer to animals as a child. Human-wise, probably someone from the academy. I never got on with anyone from my 'normal' childhood school.

**F:** I never had many friends. I think I scared them away with my intellect. Oh alright... I was a nerd. My friends were my books and projects *sniff*. You're supposed to feel sorry for me here... I only started having proper friends when I started my job at the LEP. Holly, for example.

**H:** I was always out on the street with our neighbourhoods local gangs. So I guess my loyalties shifted lots. I tell you one guy I've known for a long time and fought side by side from being a kid with a lump of clay against another gang of twenty-year-olds up to being in the LEP with a Neutrino. Trouble Kelp is probably my longest-standing pal.

**J:** My first friend was... hmm. I wasn't like the other girls. I never had a 'bezzie' or 'BFF' or whatever. Dom has been the only friend I've had forever. He taught me most of the stuff I know, whether that's a good thing or not. But he's my big bro, so I don't know if he counts. Then there's Arty of course. And I taught him everything he knows about being an actual kid. It probably _is_ Arty, actually. How sad is that?

**M:** Hmm. Probably one of my cousins. We were always getting eachother in and out of scrapes.

_**Who is your current best friend?**_

**A:** This question has been asked to me many times. It's ridiculous to expect me to choose between the close circle of people I do refer to as 'friends'. If they have been good enough to me to earn the title of 'friend', then they would be a best friend by anyone else's standards, regardless.

**B:** 'Best friend' is an overused term in my opinion. If you are lucky enough to be counted as a friend then that enough should be enough. The rank of 'best' merely causes arguments.

**F:** Right, I can't say anyone in case it causes arguments. Callabine, Holly, Trubs... maybe even Mulch, are my best and longest friends.

**H:** Ah I can't pick one. Best fairy? It's between Foaly and Trouble. Mulch is a pain and I can't trust him all the way, I know him too well. Humans? Obviously Arty is up there, and I would have been shoved in a recycler years ago if it wasn't for Butler. And then there's Juliet of course, she's got a similar mindset to me, or at least when she's not swooning over wrestlers she has.

**J:** I was lucky enough to be born with him there ready for me. My best friend is, and always will be, my big brother. Nuff said really. He won't bitch about me. He won't backstab me. He already knows all my secrets and will never tell them. You don't get better friends than family.

**M:** Friends are risky things to have in my ca... um... my _past_ career. The best friend I could have hoped to gain has to be Holly. I mean, who would've thought an ex-criminal like me would buddy up with an ex-police officer like her?

_**What is your favourite song or Who is your favourite artist/group/composer?**_

**A:** An interesting question. I cannot possibly choose one out of the infinite amounts of music that I have heard or know the existence of. Classical, is my favourite genre, although I must admit, I often prefer composing than listening to music. There are mistakes to be argued in even the greatest of composers music.

**B:** I haven't the time to listen to music. If I had, it wouldn't be on those ridiculous headphones. Whoever invented them was probably someone intent on sneaking up on the users of their invention. It annoys me how nine out of ten teenagers wander around with their ears plugged with blaring music. Is it any wonder there are more and more attacks on young people when their all half-deaf one way or another?

**F:** I do like the old country songs like 'If It Looks Like A Dwarf And Smells Like A Dwarf Its Probably A Dwarf Or A Latrine In Dungarees' and 'If You Call A Centaur A Donkey He Will Hit You In The Face If He Has A Carrot To Hand'... yeah... the good old songs like that.

**H:** I don't know. I guess whatever is on the radio really. If it comes on and I don't turn it off then it's alright by me! I don't like the mopey songs people listen to when they're sad. I don't like funeral songs either - if you're going to listen to music when you're upset, it should be to cheer you up, not make you bawl your eyes out.

**J:** Hmm. I tend to change my fave song a lot. I like dubstep and other stuff without words in it, but also some of the greatest songs carry real meaning in their lyrics. I really like ones you can interpret yourself however you want. I don't do the classical stuff Arty likes. It just drones on forever most of the time. Good for falling asleep though...

**M:** Music. That depends on your definition of music. My favourite genre is Posterior, but you mudpeople won't have heard of that. When a big Posterior band gets together... it brings tears to my eyes. Well, the gas does... but seriously, those fairies have _talent_.

_**What is the stupidest thing you've ever done?**_

**A:** I do not do stupid things. That is not to say I never have, but on the scale of things, I have never acted stupidly. I have made mistakes, of course. Such as kidnapping Captain Short, meeting Jon Spiro in a fish restaurant etc. The 'stupidest' thing as you put it, is probably none of these. It is probably when, aged just six, I promised Juliet that she could teach me to kickbox if she would stop singing the infernal tune 'I've Got A Song That Will Get On Your Nerves'. Needless to say, it did get on my nerves. I do however believe she got in great trouble over the matter and it has not been discussed at length since.

**B:** I'm a bodyguard. Doing stupid things in my line of work usually leads to chaos of some kind - if you're lucky, serious injury and death if you're not. The stupidest thing I have ever done is probably ever even _think _that I could follow every single one of Madame Ko's rules until the day I died. Well, I did. Mostly. Then some kind soul brought me back for another attempt. And another. And then another. Each time I have failed to be the perfect bodyguard, but hey, who needs to be perfect?

**F:** Oh don't ask me this. Artemis will find out and... argh... OK. So once I thought it would be a good idea to make a massive project for the school science fair. When it came to the day I went to carry my project to school and well... two things; one, it was far to heavy for me to move. And two... well, it was too big to fit through my bedroom door.

**H:** Hmm. I know I've made a hell of a lot of mistakes in the past but I'm reckoning you want to hear the funny ones, rather than the ones where there's a lot of... You want the funny ones, right? Well once, I thought it would be a fantastic idea to build a zipwire from the top of my apartment block to the fountain. Safe splash landing, or so I thought. Unfortunately, although the wire I used was great, coathangers come off very easily when you swing from side to side whooping like a banshee. Ah well. I landed on a crate of surface vegetables. Very expensive actually, but no damage to me!

**J:** Ah. If you guys think I'm going to start reeling off all my mistakes then you're mistaken. We'd be here all day, for starters! I think the stupidest things I've ever done are things like challenge other people to stuff I clearly can't win. Like my uncle at shooting stuff. And Arty at chess. And Dom at wrestling... none of which ended well.

**M:** The past me would say getting involved in the Artemis Fowl business. But that's the past me. Really, it's probably when I tried to sell some black-market stuff to one of Julius's squeals. He ribbed me for that one forever...

_**Do you have any bad/embarrassing habits or obsessions?**_

**A:** As for obsessions, obviously I would have to say my complex. Although I am overcoming it, I still find myself compelled to count some things. Other than that, my bad habits are probably constantly plotting, even if I never put them into practice any more. Well, perhaps not _never_...

**B:** Juliet says that my worst habit is never being able to stand down from the job. She calls it being 'twitchy'. I call it being prepared at all times. Other than that, I would say the compulsion I get to make sure my gun is in full working order, especially at times of stress. Then again I reckon most people would find that understandable and reasonable. 'Times of stress' for me usually means I will be needing it to be ready to shoot soon enough.

**F:** Callabine tells me its that I always have a computer booted up beside the bed. She says she can't sleep with it whirring away. But if I don't have it I get panicky and then she can't sleep either. We've settled on her allowing me to have one turned off next to the bed, just in case I think up a new idea...

**H:** Ahh I knew you were going to ask me this one. Probably the issue I have with taking orders when I think I know best. It's always turned out ok in the end though so apart from that, I tend to bite my nails a bit. Especially when I'm bored. Seriously, if I had a desk job, I would have no fingertips left...

**J:** If you asked Dom, he would reel off a list as long as one off his arms. Which is long, in case you are an idiot who didn't know. I mean, if he had short arms how stupid would... there you go. One of my bad habits... Getting easily distracted and rambling off. Like this one time when... I'll shut up now. What did you ask again? Oh, obsessions? Wrestling, obviously - and becoming the best I can be. Which is a good thing, right? The second one I mean... there I go again...

**M:** Letting off in awkward/dangerous/down right inappropriate situations. I can't help it. It's my stomach... and it's got me into trouble many times in the past and probably will do in the future too!

_**What is your favourite colour and why?**_

**A:** Too say gold would be a cliché, perhaps. But I have been brought up around it, always fascinated by it. To choose another would be simply falsity.

**B:** Again, it depends on the situation. My favourite colour changes with the situation. For example, if I'm in a desert, it would be sand-coloured. A forest, camouflaged greens. Snow, white or light grey. If I just need to stay hidden, usually black. What? Why wouldn't my favourite colour be the one that keeps me alive at the time?

**F:** Probably silver. The colour of technology. The colour of inventions and gadgets. Most things like that are silver. Maybe I could change that... hmm...

**H:** A toss up between red and green. Two completely different colours, I know. But red is me, firey, determined, hot blooded. Then there's green, my career, the person I have to be - calm, collected... Ha ha who am I kidding...

**J:** I'm going to go with green... no! Wait... black. No - blue. Like um... that blue the sky goes just before it goes dark... celestial blue I think it's called. Yeah. That one.

**M: **Mud-brown. As Granny Diggums used to say; Calms the heart, makes you... Well. It's my favourite colour anyway.

_**What is something you've always wanted to do, but haven't yet?**_

**A:** I would have said 'save the world' a few years ago, but I suppose I've already done that a few times over now. Save the world once and for all, win a Nobel prize under my own name. Sit down to a Christmas dinner with my family. I'm sorry - were you expecting me to say sky-diving?

**B:** Hmm. I've done a lot in my life. I gave up on anything other than becoming a bodyguard at a very young age and haven't looked back since. Seriously. To ask me what I haven't done would give you a shorter list. How about: Stay alive whilst guarding Artemis for an entire year since meeting The People? That would be a good thing to aim for.

**F:** It's always been to invent the next big thing. As soon as I've made something, it starts again. Oh and obviously be an awesome father and raise the next... well, the next _me_, actually.

**H:** It used to be: Make it safe for fairy people to live above ground. Whatever that takes. But then I accidently made friends with some mud-people and my plan for elimination of humans went out the window... Since then. I don't know. Make it safe for fairy people to live above ground without eradicating a species?

**J:** Hmm. I've done a lot in my life. What do you mean my brother just said the exact same thing? Did he? Probably because of Ko. She makes you do _everything_. You know like those people that try to scare the bejeesus out of poor little guide-dog-to-be puppies to make them bombproof when they grow up and do their jobs? Well, that's what she does to us. Seriously.

**M: **Well it's not be a fire breather etc. How's about live the quiet life? Am I serious? No. I don't know.

_**Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment?**_

**A:** A crush? Again, as when you asked me about my 'first crush', I assume you mean whether I find myself physically attracted to anyone. Don't be idiotic. I am a teenage boy, of course my hormones cause these 'crushes' to occur... honestly!

**B:** Quite simply, no. I don't have a love life, nor do I seek one. Bodyguarding is my life now. I started to give up the choice to have another at the age of ten and sealed that at eighteen. To be honest I would probably find it harder to live as someone's romantic partner. I really don't need another person in my life that I feel I have to have to guard. Juliet, Artemis, Holly and the others give me enough grey hairs to shave off as it is, without someone else needing attention and protecting.

**F:** How dare you ask me such a question! I'm married! Callabine is my only love! Besides, even with the centaur tradition to take more than one wife, there isn't a wide selection of centaurs to choose from. That and Callabine would kill me with a blunt hoof file for so much as _suggesting_ it...

**H:** A crush? Puh-lease. I grew out of 'crushes' when I was, like, thirty. No. And I wouldn't be spilling my guts to you lot even if I did!

**J:** Aww that's so cute you asking me that. No-one's taking my fancy at the moment, unfortunately. Hey wait, did you ask the others that? I bet their answers were hilarious. Aww what do you mean they didn't tell you anything interesting? Dammit I've been asking for ages too...

**M: **Well, I can't say that I haven't become quite the stud since my adventures... OK, yes I can. I'm not currently being chased by hoards of eager dwarfesses... yet. But then again, as a species, we don't tend to read so much. Give it time to get out just what a hero I am... I don't know, although I attract the ladies with my fartistic talents as it is. I just haven't picked any yet...

_**What is your most prized possession?**_

**A:** My prized possession is my mind. Without it I would be nowhere, which is why the Atlantis Complex affected me so badly. As of my more material belongings, it would be hard to choose. But there is of course, my collection of art pieces. Secretly, the first decoded copy of The Fairy Book ranks highly in my list of prized possessions.

**B:** I've answered this before I think. Either way, it is my Blue Diamond Tattoo. Without it, my life would never have been the same. And what I put in to get it... Only one person has the power to remove it and if she knew how the life of her youngest graduate turned out, she might think to take it back. Hopefully she'd look at the bigger picture of course... Other than that, my Sig Sauer. I've had her...uh, it... for years and she's never let me down once.

**F:** I can't say my wife because she'll hit me for calling her a 'possession' so I'll have to say my intellect. It is unsurpassable. Hey, what do you mean Artemis... I'm smarter and I will prove it!

**H:** My very first Acorns, given to me by Julius. No matter how many promotions or awards come after them, the first are always the most important. Especially for me since it was Julius who gave them to me and so gave me a chance when no-one else would.

**J:** Hmm... so many choices. I really wish I had a Blue Diamond then it would be easy to pick that. As it is... I really don't know. I've got some stuff I'd be upset if I lost. Like my Jade Ring, the symbol of me becoming more independent. The Sig my uncle left to me, even though he always said the Berretta would have suited me better...

**M:** My digestive system. Full stop. Oscars and gold would have been unattainable without it. As would staying alive as long as I have so far. Starting with my gnashers right down to... well. You get the idea. Without it I simply wouldn't be alive. And not just because I would've starved to death. It's got me out of many a tight squeeze before now. And into them in the first place actually, but we'll skip that bit.

_**What do you think of Orion?**_

**A:** I can't honestly say I despise him. All I can say is that I am entirely in disbelief to this day that he is a part of myself. All that poetry and 'fair maiden' nonsense. Juliet calls him my karma payback for my misdeeds in the past. He seeks to embarrass me at every opportunity and I honestly think of him as my evil twin some of the time, a mere annoyance at others.

**B:** He's the least harmful part of Artemis's Atlantis Complex. I don't think he knows who I am though. He calls me the 'Gentle Giant' and 'Brave Knight' most of the time - which is at least not as bad as what he calls Holly. Orion is physically identical to my charge but mentally the opposite. It's interesting to see what Artemis might have been like if he hadn't have grown up like he did. Or if he had grown up in a fairytale land...

**F:** I think he's a hilarious and brilliant side-effect to Artemis's Atlantis. I've often wondered just how much of Artemis's intelligence he has. It would be quite amusing to get him to help me with a project and then claim the credit. Obviously I don't _need_ him to, I have quite enough intelligence of my own of course. But still...

**H:** Honestly, he's as funny as he is annoying. His whole 'fair maiden' obsession gets irritating quickly enough, I mean, who is he calling a 'fair maiden'? I've saved that mudboy's backside more times than Mulch has farted in a shuttle. And trust me, you don't want to be there when that happens. Erm... yeah. That's all I have to say on the matter really.

**J:** Aww I think he's everything Arty's not! He's like the complete opposite of, like, a twelve year old Artemis. He's hilarious. And whenever he wakes up I get to ask him loads of stuff! Then Artemis wakes up and... well he's never happy... but ah well. It's a laugh for the rest of us! And if you're interested, he tends to call me 'brave maiden' or 'knightly maiden' which sounds a bit like a euphemism for a hooker but you know...

**M:** He's brilliant. You ask him stuff that dear little Arty would never answer and he come right out with it. It's hilarious! Of course Artemis argues the toss with you later about it being all lies, but still. Orion is fun while he lasts!

_**What do you think is your greatest personality flaw and why?**_

**A: **You are assuming of course that I have one. And perhaps, yes, that is it. I find that others find my intelligence a little much some times and take my knowledgeable status on almost any situation as arrogance. Of course, most of the time they are simply irate at being proved incorrect.

**B: **One that's caused me a lot of trouble and sleepless nights in the past. I have a pathological, compulsive need to protect people. Particularly when they're in trouble. Unless of course, I'm causing the trouble, or they deserve it. It's not a bad trait in a bodyguard on the whole, but I'm supposed to be able to narrow down the field to who I'm contracted to protect. I do, sometimes, and the Fowls always come first, I just find that lives tend to be a better incentive than money. Luckily I'm usually good enough at my job to protect a number of people at a time. Of course there have been exceptions. Not that I'm willing to discuss them.

**F: **Well, people tell me I'm a bit paranoid. I'm not _that_ paranoid. I've even put my collection of tinfoil hats into a display cabinet. Admittedly because Callabine _asked_ me to... and made me promise not to open the cabinet for another 100 years when according to her the weapons of mind-reading they protect me from may actually have been invented... Oh, and people tell me I'm a techo-snob, but I think they're all just jealous.

**H: **I'm going to have to say my quick temper and tending to jump into things. I actually consider it to be a pretty good trait. It's got to be a good things I make decisions quickly right? Although admittedly it has got me into trouble a few times... The fish truck thing, the troll thing, the other troll thing, the Chix's wing thing... etc. Then again it's saved me too - the thing after the troll things, the thing after the Chix's wing thing... etc.

**J: **Probably that I don't pay attention enough. Or when I do, I tend to not listen very much and loose concentration... Dom used to tell me off for this all the time, Uncle tried to train it out of me with allsorts and then when I went to the academy Madam Ko said it was one of the things stopping me getting my blue diamond. Ah well. It doesn't matter so much with wrestling.

**M: **Woop an easy one. Guess it's gotta be my kleptomaniac-ky-ness. I try not to. It's not my fault! If you saw, I don't know, a massive chocolate cake, you'd take a slice if you could, right? Well I see my chocolate cakes on people's wrists, I see them bulging out of pockets... It's very hard to stick with this no chocolate cake diet...

* * *

**Righty-ho that's it for now. If you think of anymore feel free to ask but I can't promise the wait will be anything less than 2 years haha :)**

**In the meantime, you might as well hear that I'm getting on with writing my next big fic after 'In The Path of Bullets' and yes, that was a bit of *shameless-self-advertising-alert* there - haha :)**

**Till next time,**

**Wolfy  
ooo  
O**


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